One Direction… OUT! Labor and Beyond.

This post is likely only suitable for mothers or expectant mothers. If you are not one of them, I encourage you to use the back button before it is too late! Men, I'm talking directly to you! ... Seriously, you may learn a lot of things you don't want or need know. Come back next week for a new entry!

I recently realized that I've arrived at the time in my life where it seems that every few months I'm getting the 'We're going to have a baby!' announcement from one of my friends. Seeing as I am already a mom, I am often asked to share any information that I found to be helpful during my pregnancy and labor experience.

Whether you are getting advice from other moms or reading anything and everything you can to prepare for baby, what you learn usually only ranges from pregnancy cravings and morning sickness to breast feeding and baby products. Throughout pregnancy women typically hear the same words of advice and tips on what to expect when you're expecting.

When I was pregnant with my son, I was at the tender age of only sixteen. Didn't you know that sixteen year old girls know absolutely everything there is to know about everything? So of course I had no reason to think that pregnancy and labor (at any age) was anything but easy, beautiful, and clean… and boy was I wrong.

Wait, you mean pregnancy is not just nine months of laying around eating ice cream, enjoying baby kicks, and having your partner massage your feet? Fortunately for me, my mom was there to quickly kill all thoughts of that kind and bring me as close to reality as possible. After enlightening me on all of the joys and trials of pregnancy, she then filled me in on some secrets involving labor and after… that nobody is ever prepared to hear. Even after being told what to expect, I was in the dark on the extent of what it all meant.

You're never told what to expect your body to go through after you've just given birth. After nine months of pregnancy and all things weird that come with it, you imagine that nothing that comes after labor could surprise you. Believe it or not, you could never fathom the things that your body does after you deliver the baby. So here is everything soon-to-be moms need to know, but don't want to know, about labor and beyond.

Hello baby! Good-bye my give a damn!

I was always somewhat shy when it came to things like going to the bathroom or changing clothes in front of my girl friends. But after having my hoo-ha in plain view for a room full of people to see, nurses helping me get cleaned up after I had given birth, and being examined down there multiple times before I left the hospital… I realized that as I welcomed my brand new baby boy into the world, I waved good-bye to any part of me that gave a damn about modesty.

Wait? What is that? Is that normal?

After my beautiful Bentley made his way into the world, it seemed as though my vagina became an emergency exit for everything else inside of me. I couldn't count on two hands (better yet, hold with two hands) how many things the doctor pulled out of me, and Bentley being the only beautiful part. I had decided that since the doctor and nurses seemed to be fine with my hoo-ha throwing things at them, then I had to be fine with it too.

*If you're thinking to yourself 'Tell me what came out! What exactly was it?' Well, that's a damn good question that I don't know the answer to.

Bonding time you never hear about!

Even after all of the stuff that left my body after delivery, I was still no where near the end of that adventure. I quickly found that my son wasn't going to be the only one wearing diapers. I won't go far in detail, but just be prepared for any and all kinds of fluid to be exiting your body following delivery… And I don't mean for just a couple of days.

When you first experience the real reason your boobs exist.

Don't think for a second that the only place leaking will be your lower region. Milk, milk, and more milk. Be sure to take advantage of what I like to call 'bra diapers'. The awkward, yet helpful, pads that you place in your bra to keep you from walking around with a soaking wet shirt and smelling like you drowned yourself with milk scented perfume. Please don't assume that just because you stopped leaking for a bit, you will be okay taking a quick trip to the store without inserting your bra diapers…you'll never make it. Your baby is not the only baby able to activate your lactate. Just when you think you're about to make it through without a leak, there will be some other baby around you crying, and boom! your boobs are on a mission.

The list goes on…

Be prepared for your belly to feel like a memory foam mattress when you touch it after giving birth. This lasted a while for me. At first, I couldn't comprehend why my stomach felt this way. So, on my own I decided that it was to provide a comfortable spot for my baby to sleep on… That seemed logical enough for me. And to be honest, at this point I had learned not to ask questions that I didn't really want to know the answer to.

Don't freak out. The good news is that while most of this is happening you're either too exhausted, too busy, or too happy to actually sit around and dwell on them. Something to remember: It is very normal for everyone to experience these things, maybe even more of it than I did, and it doesn't last forever. Though this all seemed to be a bit insane while I was enduring it, I am still amazed at what my body was capable of. I was blown away by my body's ability to give life to a child and then adapt to every situation that came after. I'm sure if you're a soon-to-be mom for the first time this was probably a lot of information to take in and maybe even hard to accept… but when it was my time to face these facts, I was thankful my mom had at least attempted to prepare me for what no book ever could.

I sincerely hope this helps some of you! Thanks for reading. As always, please tweet me (@MaciBookoutMTV) with your feedback. xo